


angels like you can't fly down here with me

by sunnylemonss



Series: the trials and troubles of loving and being loved [1]
Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Broken Hearts, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, IT'S VERY SAD, Late at Night, Song fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-13 19:27:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28658727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunnylemonss/pseuds/sunnylemonss
Summary: It was two in the morning on a random Tuesday and Willie still hadn’t fallen asleep. His mind was racing, his heart was pounding, and his head ached from trying to suppress tears. He was curled up on his bed, hugging a pillow to his chest and staring out his open window at the few stars he could see through the LA light pollution.
Relationships: Alex Mercer/Willie (Julie and The Phantoms)
Series: the trials and troubles of loving and being loved [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2104182
Comments: 18
Kudos: 44





	angels like you can't fly down here with me

**Author's Note:**

> yes the title is from a miley cyrus song, what about it
> 
> tw: bad parents

It was two in the morning on a random Tuesday and Willie still hadn’t fallen asleep. His mind was racing, his heart was pounding, and his head ached from trying to suppress tears. He was curled up on his bed, hugging a pillow to his chest and staring out his open window at the few stars he could see through the LA light pollution. 

He’d always loved the stars, growing up. And the planets, and just space in general.  _ Get your head out of the clouds, _ his mom would say, and he’d reply  _ It’s in the stars, Mom. _ She would roll her eyes and swat him on the back of the head. He learned quickly that you don’t talk back. He’d dreamed of being an astronomer for a long time, but his parents had quickly shut that down. 

He’d also dreamed of being in love. He’d look at the happy couples around him and  _ ache _ for a love like that, the kind that was fiery and fierce and passionate and steady and reliable, much like the stars he so adored. Once, when he was ten and his parents were in a surprisingly good mood, he’d asked them if they thought he would ever find a love like that. 

“Oh William,” his dad had laughed, one arm around his wife and the other holding a beer. “Love like that doesn’t exist. And even if it did, who would love you? Your head’s always in the clouds, sorry,  _ stars _ , and you can’t focus on anything or anyone for more than five minutes. Face it, William, love just isn’t in the books for you.” Willie remembers feeling like all the air had been sucked out of his lungs, remembers running up the stairs to cry quietly into a pillow because his father was right. He was flawed: it showed in the way he didn’t have any friends in school, it showed in the way his teachers shot him dirty looks every time he raised his hand in class, it showed in the way his parents barely made time for him. If his own parents didn’t love him, why would anyone else?

And then he was 18 and he met Alex Mercer, an angel on earth. Alex was kind, and patient, and beautiful, and everything good in the world, and Willie was  _ terrified _ to get too close to him because what if he ruined this wonderful boy? Willie’s inability to focus had only gotten worse as he got older, and he had only passed his classes by the skin of his teeth: it was a miracle he had even graduated. Willie still dreamed of the stars, still spaced out, still was naive enough to believe in a love great enough to move the universe.

But Alex refused to let Willie stay distant. Three months after they met, Alex asked Willie to be his boyfriend, and Willie, hoping for one good thing in his life, said yes. Alex called frequently, texted daily, and, despite Willie’s best efforts, wormed his way into his heart. Willie tried so hard not to fall in love, but he did, and he was so, so scared. He was so relieved when Alex admitted his love first, and he cried that night because someone finally loved him, the way he always wanted. 

His love for his Alex was larger than life. It was suffocating, overwhelming, and so beautiful. It was in the way Alex took time to listen to him ramble, it was in the way that Alex never called him dumb or belittled his dreams, it was in the way Alex was  _ too good _ for Willie. 

Willie wasn’t immune to the rumors that circled them when they first started dating. How Willie was a space case, how Alex was too hot, too kind, too  _ good _ for the guy he was  _ stuck  _ with. Willie wanted to protest, wanted to scream to the world that Alex  _ chose _ him, wanted to yell to the universe that he could be worth it, that he just wanted to be  _ loved,  _ and Alex was giving him that, and was that really so bad?

So here he was, two in the morning on a random Tuesday, curled on his bed and tears leaking down his cheeks because he had tried so hard but he still wasn’t good enough for Alex, he still wasn’t good enough for the world, he still wasn’t good enough for love. One thought ran through his mind on repeat:  _ I’m everything they said I would be. _ Willie grabbed his phone and unlocked it, going to his contacts and paused, finger hovering over the call button. He desperately wanted to call Alex, to tell him how he was feeling, but it was two am and he couldn’t be more of a burden then he already was. So instead, he opened his texts to his boyfriend and started typing.

_ Alex I love you so so much and I’m so so sorry that I’m not enough for you. I wasn’t enough for my parents or friends or teachers or anyone and I let myself think I could be enough for you but I’m not. You need someone to lift you up, not bring you down. It’s not your fault I ruin everything and it’s not your fault I can’t be what you need, but angels like you can’t fly down here with me. I’m sorry baby, but I’m not going to let myself continue to ruin everything good you have going on. I love you.  _

He hit send.

Less than a minute later, his phone lit up with a call, Alex’s smiling face staring up at Willie’s tearstained one. With a heavy heart, he hit decline. Immediately, his phone lit up again. Willie let out a violent sob and went back to his contacts, pressing on Alex, and, after a moment’s hesitation, hit block. 

His phone went dark.

Willie felt his heart shatter in his chest. He buried his head in his pillow and sobbed.

Outside his window and billions of light-years away, a star died.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm. . . sorry?  
> Comments and kudos are much appreciated!  
> Come yell at me on tumblr: @sunnylemonss


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